From whence you have come

Eight of us gathered this evening with not a little uncertainty about what to expect in this, the first meeting of the book study group, and not a little trepidation from your humble facilitator. But we were also filled with hope, and it is this hope that sustains us, and give us the strength to be together. In the process of 90 minutes, uncertainty and hope danced together to the music of our individual stories -- where we have come from in our journeys of faith -- and what has brought us to this place at this time.

We were invited to tell a story of our lives and how that story has led you to this church, to this study group. From there, we asked ourselves and one another: what hopes do you have of this group, and of this collective pilgrimage we are undertaking?

I'll let those in attendance share their stories, if they wish. I can only share mine.

I grew up in a conservative Korean immigrant family and faith community. My father is a minister in the Reformed tradition, and church was by most measures our "family business." When I was old enough to help, I did, just as thousands of children of immigrants serve as unpaid labor to support the stores their parents keep open for long hours 6 or 7 days a week. In college, I returned home every weekend to play guitar for the youth group.

It was also in college that Adam, my roommate who is nominally Jewish asked me pointedly one night: "So what you're telling me is that because I'm not a Christian, I'm going to hell?" I told my roommate and my friend, without hesitation and with my eyes directly into his: "Yes." We remained friends after that encounter, but our relationship was never the same after that conversation.

That episode has stayed with me all my life. It was, in many ways, a turning point in my faith journey, when I realized that I was using my faith to consign my friend to a group of people who don't belong, who aren't part of God's family. I cannot begin to express the deep shame that I feel now in saying this to my friend, in a signficant but small way breaking his heart and breaking the heart of God. Years later, I asked Adam for forgiveness, but I can still see the wounded eyes of my roommate.

I needed to find a faith community that could affirm my Christian upbringing but also give me the language to say that others were welcome to God's table, that indeed all were welcome, and that neither I nor my faith community nor anyone else could say that someone was outside God's love. I needed to find in Christianity a faith story that said to me, "yes, Jim, your faith is absolutely legitimate, and everyone else's journey to God is legitimate." I needed to find a Christianity that lived into the idea that God's love is a gift from God alone, not one conditionally dispensed based on a set of affirmations to certain beliefs and held back to those who didn't assent to these same dogmatic statements. And most of all, I needed to live into a Christianity that said that others' journey didn't dilute my own, but actually gave it more meaning because God called me by name, and called Adam by name as well.

As a well-known group of musicians once said, I still haven't found what I'm looking for but I'm on my way. And that's why I'm here, at St. Paul's, and in this study group. My Christian journey is not about knowing what home is, knowing what my faith is, but ever discovering what home is becoming, what my faith is becoming. And I find that the best way to discover this becoming is in hearing the stories of others, how others are in their own particular ways striving to find the voice of God in their lives. That's what keeps me coming back to church, through the doors that welcome me for who I am and welcome anyone and everyone on their own journey of faith.

What do I hope for? Simply put: to do church differently than even I could imagine, to find community in God's children, amongst people whom I once believed deserved hell, but now understand that theirs is the Kingdom of God, even before mine.

So, to reiterate again: what brings you to this blog? Where have you come from? What story has brought you to this place and this time? And what do you hope for, now that you're here? Whatever your story, welcome. We're glad that you're joining us on this pilgrimage into the heart of God.